Tentacles, Sweat, and Hypello Juice
by wickedsugarrush
Summary: Do you think I can take care of my self in a bar fight with Sweaty? Of course I can."- As told by Rikku. Aurikku, only slightly. Perhaps future? Auron and Rikku time. Oh, and a drooling Tidus and Wakka in the corner.


Tentecles, Sweat, and Hypello juice

Tentecles, Sweat, and Hypello juice

As told by Rikku

Disclaimer: Rikku totally did it. It's totally, like, not even my world ok, so like just back off poopy pants.

Yeah, sure I can handle myself in a fight!

Of course I can, don't give me that look that says you totally know that my skinny arms won't be able to take on somebody.

Although I' assuming that it's Auron in my head giving me that particular look.

Wakka and Tidus were talking about how manly they were earlier today…what?!

It wasn't _meee_ that told them this…tale!

…Ok! _Ohkay_! So maybe I prodded them for a little fun. I mean Wakka spends like forevveer on his hair and Tidus actually preens.

Auron shook his head at the entire situation, which was **amazing,** because we, and when I say we I mean I, never get a response out of him other than 'HURUMPH.

Hurmph.

He has got the mega-hump of the behemoth.

You know, a hump? Like when a crabby old man hobbles around with his cane swinging and his hand behind his back giving me- I mean kids the stink eye?

So _anyways_- they get to talking, kinda arguing as in 'male' comparison and Tidus suggests that Auron can't drink anything stronger than what's in his jug.

Auron started convulsing.

No, he wasn't having a heart attack at someone challenging his manly-ness, he was _laughing._

I'm serious.

He laughs.

What? Why are you giving me that look? Really he does, except this time it was more of a laugh he gave to 'impehetitous' monsters. (He compared me and a monster one time using that word. I don't really know what it means but…)

Ok! So he was laughing. Therefore this bar. Because Auron growled out in an anticipatory tone "Oh? Are you sure?"

Yep. So that's why Wakka and Tidus are acting like buffoons… and I'm here for a cool drink and ...to play Super Rikku Spy extraordinaire!

Although there is a snag in the cloth of life…

I think this guy in front of me was really itching for a fight. Or someone to, ya know, _grab._

Like a petite noticeable girl like myself.

Noticeable…yes. But sometimes noticeable isn't necessarily a good thing to be. I'm talkin' from experience ya know.

Especially when your female, not exactly hard on the eyes, and of a race that was looked down upon in society; you tend to have slightly more experience about being noticeable than any other girl.

But back to what I was talking about! The guy I totally knew I could take was comin' right for me, looking like he was quactar that just found easy prey.

They run away if you hit 'em real good, but they only appear if you look weak enough to be a nice dart board!

Gah!

So, I guess I was standing at the counter wrong or something.

He leaned heavily on the counter, incidentally leaning into me. Coinkiedink? I don't think so!

He was gross, my nostril hairs were curling.

Ew. I leaned back in response hitting the wall of the rather small pub. Hygiene anyone?

He didn't really like that I leaned back.

"Hey, are you scared of lil' ol me?"

I smiled brightly, it was jus' too funny!

"Nope!"  
Honesty is not always the best policy is my policy, but I just can't help being slightly irritating to someone who was really poking at my personal space bubble.

"Aw…I think that should change…in the room upstairs." The words themselves should have been coy with the underlying threat of real intimidation, it sounded way more lewd than it was.

He did it on purpose. He was sooo trying to be the sexual perverted mess that he was. And he was going to try and carry his little plan out.

"I don't think so mister." He was around my age I suppose, and mister was a certainly a good way to distance myself from him. Right?

His face turned ugly, and he tried to be speedy quick like me, (which totally FAILED) and whipped out his hand to try and catch onto my arm.

HA! Rikku the pre-legendary guardian was not so easy a catch!

I dodged away from his grip. And I wasn't paying attention to what he said next because I was much too much worried about where he was going to place his next…grasp? Touch?

Well, his muscles were close in matching Aurons. Close, but not really, because Aurons muscles are so very real, and large and there, and **muscly, **and bulgy, and nice, and back to creepy man! He was tall, and he had weird brownie-ish hair that was a little more sweaty than necessary. I guess I could maybe find him a little attractive if he wasn't so obviously bad news and definitely not wanting to do very bad things to me.

I could always stab him… and have him like…be dead…on the ground… in public.

Generally that's not a good plan. Nope. And I'm a fan of the plans. I like plans, _especially_ ones that work.

I dodged his grab again and tumbled out of the way, but I guess I misjudged my distance because my poor head smacked into the leg of some guy.

"Oops sorry some guy!"

Oh…aforementioned guy was Auron.

"_He-ey thereee_ Auron! What's up? How's the chocobos?"

I rubbed my head a little sheepish, and tried to plaster an innocent grin on my face.

Which was kind of hard considering the dude behind me.

Auron was pissed.

And this was not a good thing for a persons well being. Malboros and Behemoths and even the stupidest flans had enough sense to be terrified.

I mean…when he's angry…tornados are lit on** fire**.

I had a feeling that this guys intelligence may be less than that of a flan...

He stepped forward and said with a dangerous sort of finality "Do not… **Touch** her."

Sweat-guy assumed a pose of cock of the walk, and my theory was proved correct; he was more stupid than a flan. And all the sudden, attention was turned to them.

Geeee, thanks testosterone.

Could because this happened a lot, could be because Auron had three shots of Hypello juice and wasn't even phased, and everyone in here _knew _that, and it could be because it was a man on man fight, and me fighting to run away with my honor and cool moves had not attracted a single glace.

Well.

It was in fact a half a glance that I was so lucky to attract.

The man was really stupid. He replied to Aurons _nice_ request to not bother me anymore with "And you're going to make me?"

Ouhhhohh. Not a good idea buddy. Bad plan. Worse than most of mine even. Auron's slightly unhinged in that area of defiance.

I scrambled up and away, I wasn't going to volunteer him to fight, but he was _**so**_ going to do it.

"Yeah!" I placed a hand on my hip and made a sharp movement with my arm. Whoo! Feelin' pumped!

Auron didn't even spare a glance in my direction. He seemed to be waiting.

The guy seemed ok with using words to do the talking first, but Auron was tense, waiting like a coerl to lash out.

Then Sweaty put his hand to his chest and had a slack expression of endearment on his face.

"Oh? Was I supposed to pay you first? She's a hooker and you're her old pimp, eh?"

_What?_

I was mad. _Sooo_ mad now. I now was not going to mind stabbing him, but Auron got to it first.

The bartender at the bar didn't seem to notice, and no one else in the pub seemed inclined to gripe that Auron had just placed his entire weight into a quick foreceful punch, right into the guys face.

Holy Ultima!

The guys back slammed against the wall. But Auron was _so_ not done. He moved forward.

The guy recovered quickly enough that a kick in Aurons direction was not slow enough to be discounted entirely, but not so fast as to get past Aurons defense.

Auron caught his ankle and twisted it forcing the guy face first on the floor.

He slammed to the ground compliantly.

He lashed out, trying to dislocate Aurons knee, or get Auron in the…sensitive areas.

That somehow left an opening in which Auron allowed him to get up, and luck upon luck the guy slugged him one. Not nearly as powerful but…

I had a sinking suspicion that there was going to be damage, and my suspicions are usually spot on.

I was going to go and do some damage control.

No. Soooo not wading into the slugfest! I was going to talk to the bartender.

"Sooo uh. We can cover the damage if it gets really out of hand." I offered with a ehheh I-do-no-wrong face.

The bartender looked at me sharply. "That guys been askin' for it for three days. I'm happy I'll be rid of him, and so will the rest of my patrons."

Auron at that moment slammed the guy down on the counter by the collar.

The dudes at the bar just lifted their glasses so as to avoid spillage and enjoyed the show.

Now that was something that I wouldn't ever be able to do.

I could kill fiends and humanoids quick as a blade but… being able to hurt someone real bad with out trying to kill them and taking damage in return… Not something I would be able to do.

It was…_ cool_. Not the opposite of cool because that would not be cool!

But only cuz it was Auron! And Auron doesn't do anything else but cool.

A chair was smashed.

"Are ya sure?"

"I'll let ya know."

I smiled and went over to the brain mush duo, currently slobbering over each other.

"Useless." I tsked. But a solid thunk of boot meeting face reached my ears. I turned around and watched the entertainment. Auron was composed the entire time. I didn't even know he could fight with out his sword, but obvious things aren't usually my strong point unless they are dangerous to my person. Some men were taking bets and others were just cheering on raising their glasses or moving to a different table if need be. Some people who were hired to deal with fiends commenting on Aurons form as if it were a tutorial.

I guess it is.

With Auron anyway.

I thought about how I felt having Auron beat some guy up…more or less for me. Teehee.

The fight was almost over, sweat guy wouldn't be able to stand much more.

It was kinda… nice feeling…like woah…

Like…

Karhgh!

Sorry chocked on my spit there.

Hot. I admit it! But cool has to be in there somewhere. I'll just replace it with oddley attractive. It sounds nicer.

Don't you think?

I watched with wide eyes as Auron took the nearly unconscious man- who I noticed was taller than Auron…why hadn't I noticed before? Perhaps Auron always seemed…larger- by the arm and flung him out the door.

Some of the patrons of the bar cheered and offered Auron more drinks, but he just wiped off blood from his nose, righted his super steel enhancer glasses of doom, and headed towards the three of us.

I was prolly blushing.

"Th-than-"

I was cut off when he apologized cordially to the bartender, politely declined offers of beer and placed the correct amount of cash on the counter, while simultaneously waking the two of the idiots up with a sip of a remedy.

…

The beginnings of my gratitude were ignored?!

Indignence is one of my favorite emotions to play.

I waved happily at the pub as I left and hopped over sweat guys body and steadfastly ignored Auron.

Until we got to the hotel next door.

Poop.

"Rikku…"

I froze, Wakka and Tidus leaning on each other for support stumbled past me and I watched until they fiddled with the lock and befuddled themselves until the door swung open.

It was laughing at them.

And the wall? It was laughing at me.

Auron sat down in the lobby chair.

"Rikku, from now on I would like you to pick who you associate with a little more carefully."

His eye was swelling. I could tell from here, and it was behind the sunglasses.

Wait…_myyyy_?!

"MY choice!?"

He raised an eybrow, but then faintly he winced.

Either this man had extraordinarily accelerated healing or he was just hurt in a weird way.

"Sweaty came to me! It's not my fault I'm the wrong kind of noticeable."

"Wrong kind?"

"Yea! AlBehd remember? You were the second to know."

He moved to get up and he winced slightly, it wasn't enough that you could tell if you didn't know him, but unless his intestines were spilling out, he didn't show pain.

"I apo-"

I cut him off with some twisted pleasure.

"Speaking of which, I know exactly what you need so no one suspects your nefarious lifestyle away from laws and missions."

I beckoned him to come on over to me and let me help him. He shrugged me off.

I huffed a great huff, and marched to my room. I opened the door, no problem if you're not inebriated, and gestured into it.

He walked steadily over, and then passed my open door.

AHhhHH!

"FINE MEANIE"

And I slammed the door. That'll show him!

...

Or not. In fact it prolly won't. I sighed angrily and grabbed some Albehd potion. I didn't have to use the entire thing, and in a pinch I could use the entire bottle like potion, but all I needed was some stuff to help the bruising.

I flung open the door and marched over to his room and smartly rapped on the door.

He opened it almost immediately, raising an eyebrow. I shoved the round jar into his face. He stepped aside and I went in.

"Well?" I said brandishing the jar around.

He sighed and sat down on the bed. I opened it and put some of the glop on my fingers. It was a nice kind of smell I thought.

But I don't think Auron thought so. Pity… cuz it's gunna be smeared allover his face here in just a second.

HA-HA-HA.

He leaned away from me.

The demonic gleam that has been known to shine out of my eye most likely slipped out.

Poopy sticks.

"Rikku…"

"Oh take your stupid glasses off ya meanie."

"I can do this myself."

"Nuhuhhh. There's no way. You'd either put on too much or too little and then where would ya be? With extra skin hangin' off yer eye or a permanent bruise!"

I recalled what her Father had said to her. I was pretty convinced that I would grow an excess amount of skin and then have tentecals pop out of my face and then grow splotches of purple! Ok so those last two parts were Brothers idea, but it stuck in my head.

So I'm was channeling a bit, so what?

I waved the salve in front of his face.

"So, you want tentacles or you want me to do it?"


End file.
